Posts Tagged ‘anxieties’

Grade grubbing and my anxieties…

February 27, 2010

Yes, I’m a grade grubber.  I’m not afraid to admit it.  I’m your typical type A, straight A, AP student with achievement on the brain.  So when I get something less than perfection, I kind of lose it, like yesterday. I didn’t do well on a calculus 3 test, so I got really upset and called my father and my sister.  I wanted to kind of just give up on school.  In my little messed up brain, I thought that what’s the point of going to college if I can’t be the best and excel at everything?  Basically, I’m crazy, neurotic and an Asian child in a white girl’s body.

What people like me need to learn is the point of school is learning, not grades.  I have found that I learn best by making mistakes.  If I mess up on something, I never forget what I did wrong, and basically, I never make the same mistake twice.  I think I learned that from my dad.  When I was little, I learned how to roller blade, and I would fall all the time.  I’d have bruises and cuts, but I didn’t really cry when I fell.  My dad said that by falling, I was learning.  And it was true.  Next time I went out on my skates, I wouldn’t fall the same way ever again.  I’d figure out a new way to fall, and by doing so, I’d improve.  Now that I know what I did wrong on that test, I know what I need to learn better.  I’m still disappointed in myself, and so I spent about 6 hours yesterday studying and doing homework but the good news about that is, I feel like I have a better grasp on the material that is being presented to us.

I guess the point of all this is the fact that instead of sulking and feeling defeated by one bad grade, I’m going to come out swinging and do better on the next test and work even harder.  I have gotten in the habit of not working as hard as I used to in college, because I didn’t need to.  But now, I’m ready to get back on the horse, and it actually felt really good to study that hard.

I’m insane.

AND NOW picture time.